Facing the questions

My words are radical because they are my truth, and few people choose to speak truth anymore.

Today I was in a circle of doulas, and an unsuspecting client walked in.  There was a bit of back and forth as the doulas figured out what to do.  Finally someone mumbled, "It might scare you...we talk about things that haven't gone well, or things that were difficult, and we wouldn't want you to be thinking about that."  The woman left without pause, as if hearing a sad story could cause her birth to go awry.  As if knowing the possibilities could jinx it.

I don't believe there should be a protective barrier between birth workers and birth mamas.  I believe birth mamas have the right to all the information out there, and if they can stand to listen in on one of our doula meetings, they by all means should.  It might help them to know what we have witnessed.

I've witnessed the way doctors use testing to make women doubt the ability of their own bodies. I've seen induction, fetal heart monitoring, artificial rupture of membranes, epidurals, vacuum extractions, and c-sections. I've seen Foley bulbs used to manually dilate women.  I've seen time limits given to women who needed time.  I've seen coercion used to keep women in bed when they wanted to move.  I've seen enough things to make me cry many times when I got back to my car.

Which brings me to an important question. Do women know that they can conceive a child, carry it to term, and give birth without stepping foot in a doctor's office?  Trained midwives, licensed, practicing midwives, are the experts in normal childbirth, and they will come right to your home.

Doctors are important and some of them are wonderful people, trained to intervene when something goes awry.  If your midwife is concerned about you or your baby's safety, she may refer you or transfer you to a doctor for additional care.  But a healthy woman having a healthy baby may never have to meet one!

Unless you prefer the hospital for some reason, or your doctor has a sincere concern about your health, your doctor's job is to refer you to a qualified specialist: a midwife.  Oncologists are for cancer, chiropractors are for spinal adjustments, and midwives are for normal, healthy birth.

Forget about your insurance.  If you had cancer, would you give up seeing an oncologist because your insurance made you pay out of pocket?

It is radical to ask questions and remember that we have options.  If pregnant women sat in on doula meetings, they might have questions, like "What are all these different drugs and procedures?  Why do all these things occur?  And how do I avoid them in my own birth?"

It is radical to answer those questions truthfully and take responsibility for our choices.  It is a radical invitation to face what is.  What does having this baby really mean to you?  And what are you willing to do to get it?